PicKniC Of Duume!
by Charlezcookie3
Summary: After second breakfast, Tube, Cookiez, and Kat go on a killing spree... Random things, lots of them and a piKnic.


PicKniC of Duume  
  
Disclaimer: Does it work.? I don't own McDonalds, Final Fantasy, etc.Yay!  
  
After second breakfast, around seven 'o clock a.m., Cookiez, Tube, and Kat left their straw hut and entered the poorly crafted archery range out in the backyard to practice their excellent and jealousy-warranting sword swishing skillz.  
  
After they thoroughly mangled each other (cough, cough) they decided to go on a picnic.and then on a rampage of rape and pillaging.and world conquest.and other assorting things.mostly consisting of violence.lots of violence.so much violence that this story has been rated R by the parental directory board.  
  
They walked into the horribly quaint little WASTE OF SPACE country town. This apparently was on Cookiez "towns to explode" list. So they started their violent rampage at town hall.  
  
No body seemed to notice the explosion because they were all dead. Once they were all dead, Cookiez began to dance happily, something reminiscent of the Macarena. The bloodstained walls were tattered and left in gory disarray. Body parts were strewn throughout the town and then eventually made into a nice quilt.  
  
EWWWW.  
  
If you end up reviewing this story (you must have been really fuckin' bored) and I apologize ahead of time for your misfortune and mental damage you may have endured.and then our intrepid heroes decided, very abruptly, to go on a quest.of world domination.or something along those lines.maybe like a town.or a McDonald's.by the way, after McDonald's should be one of those little TM signs but I am too lazy to get that out of my WordArt.  
  
Yes! When they took over McDonald's, they're horrible rampage ended they discovered a new breed of squirrel that lives and feeds off of the toxic fumes emanating from McDonald's products.and breast milk. They deemed them MCSQUIRRELS, and then our intrepid heroes continued on their merry way.while skipping town the new bloodstained yellow brick roads.  
  
The police did not bother to capture them and they were off eating donuts (VASH) and the newly created McSquirrels.which is also now a very popular breakfast food.for second breakfast as well.  
  
Just then, following ominously behind our heroes was an INFINITE WAVE OF DARKNESS!! Cookiez ignored it; Kat was too busy dreaming of Vash to care, and Tube was busy torturing some poor widow.before he was a mortician mind you.  
  
Okay! Cookiez now finds a rock and thinks it would make a really cool necklace, so which the Vorpal blade that he keeps handy he put a hole in it and put a giant iron dog chain through it. When he tried to pull it up, he discovered, much to his dismay, that it was in fact a cleverly hidden mountain but he still thought it would make a cool necklace so he swung it over his neck, broke it, and then the rock began to glow.  
  
Then Cloud, having been recently resurrected (GODDAMMIT!) came over, started to gnaw on the rock, broke all of his teeth, and was then promptly shot in the back of the head by Vincent, making an quick cameo appearance.  
  
Cookiez, now having been exposed to the radiation from the magical rock, transformed, much like a Power Ranger, into BACKWARDS QUESTION MARK MANNNNN!!!!.with Brock-like eyes and no eyebrows.much like a Chinese person. He also had pointy Vegeta hair and a yellow shirt with polka-dotted suspenders. And blocks for hands just like the poorly animated characters of Final Fantasy Seven.and Titus pants.and a cape that always flowed in one single direction no matter what.continuously. And also clown shoes, but in his hand a humongous sword that stretched to the heavens which he deemed the Sword of Infinity!  
  
Now, Backwards Question Mark Man has the power to transform into anything, but he would always be holding his sword and his cape would always be present blowing in the wind. And his slanted Brock eyes. Sense he has no eyebrows, he cannot express himself freely, so he uses various "modes" such as "happy mode" or "sad mode" or "insanely evil mode."  
  
Now, Kat and Tube ignored it and they went off on their own merry way to conquer the world. But this story is about Cookiez, because he is the author.even though he isn't TYPING IT.I got screwed.  
  
Now, now, Backwards Question Mark Man, which from here on out will be abbreviated as BQMM because I'm lazy, spotted a nearby person and going into "shocked mode" turns into a sports drink with a paper umbrella/cape/sword.  
  
Zell walks up and spots the drink and merrily reached down to quench his thirst, saying, "WOW! Isn't this convenient! I was getting tired after all that talking about myself like a self-absorbed prick!"  
  
Just then! The sports drink jumps up and cuts Zell at about the neck. Zell starts to gush blood from several major arteries, drops to the ground while drowning in his own blood.  
  
Meanwhile, the umbrella is jumping and performing several consecutive Braver's on Zell's writhing corpse. He twitches involuntarily with each attack. However, he is still alive and currently in several dozen separate pieces. Becoming bored, BQMM takes his leave shortly after White Knight Leo and T find the body of Zell. They see a Squirrel Crossing sign/cape/sword and find it somewhat odd that it is out in the middle of nowhere, but ignore it, such as further defiling the remains of Zell.  
  
T and White Knight Leo walk off. BQMM soon sees another victim approaching deciding suddenly in "surprised mode" changes into a cleverly disguised toupee with one large discolored strand of hair sticking out of the top, which is his cape/sword. Then Rude, of the Turks, walks over and discovers the toupee on the ground.  
  
"WOW!" He declares. "This is just what I needed! Joy!"  
  
Rude picks up the toupee and puts it on his head and now not feeling quite so vulnerable anymore, leaves. Rude then hears the sound of wind, a very large gust, and sees the broadside of a sword, a very, very big sword, and then his world plunges into darkness. There is now a giant wound in the planet, which will now be called "The Pit of Infinite Darkness/Death and Despair.and another word that is very not happy."  
  
Now, Zack walks up and sees a bottle of hair gel/cape/sword, wonders about this strangely, and then calls over Cloud again, who for some strange reason, cannot die. Luckily, Vincent and Fujin, who both hate him deeply, make sure his life is short-lived. Vincent blows his head off from behind and Fujin kicks his corpse while declaring "VICTORY!!"  
  
Zack, entirely ignoring this incident, glops on the hair gel and then realizes a giant shadow looming over him. He shrugs absent-mindedly, and then scratches his head, which then bites his hand. Afterwards, he hears a very loud swishing sound and loses consciousness.  
  
BQMM turns back into his Brock form and says, "I win! I win!"  
  
He walks into a city and sees people, many people. Deciding that he doesn't want to be seen, he changes into a toaster with wheels/cape/sword and begins to roll around, like he's fooling anyone.  
  
A man in a black Michael Jackson suit and a black Michael Jackson hat with black Michael Jackson glasses pass by BQMM. This is Luis. Luis walks over, picks up the toaster and is then joined by some gay guy with blue hair.  
  
"To protect the world from devastation!"  
  
"To unite all peoples within our nation!"  
  
"To denounce the evils of truth and love!"  
  
A sword protruding from the toaster then cuts down Luis.  
  
".umm, Meowth, that's right?"  
  
Luis, somehow surviving this, stands back up and says, "Cookiez! Why do you have to be so mean to me?!"  
  
By the way, a rampaging bus hits that gay guy with blue hair, who for now will call "Bames."  
  
People are now staring at Luis who is accusing an inanimate toaster of killing his friend, Bames. Surprise, surprise, the toaster says nothing and then two guys in white coats come along and whisk Luis away while he still screams angrily at the still unmoving toaster/cape/sword. He breaks free of them just in time to try and stop BQMM from slaying the family.  
  
"No! Cookiez!" Luis cries.  
  
"WHAT!? SHHHHH! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!? HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT IT WAS ME!? DON'T TALK TO ME OR SAY MY REAL NAME! YOU'LL GIVE MY IDENTITY AWAY!  
  
"Okay Cookiez." Luis replies.  
  
BQMM sweatdrops. Suddenly, the toaster then sees a family and cuts it down with extreme prejudice. BQMM leaped up with his mighty sword and sliced the father in half as though he were paper. He then turns and splices the mother open from her neck to her pelvis. Then the toaster turns and swings his blade at the two children, killing them instantly and blood splatters all over the road.  
  
"AHAHAHAHA!" BQMM exclaims in "insanely evil mode."  
  
"COOKIEZ NO! DON'T BE A HERO! I mean.STOP IT DOESN'T HAVE TO LIKE THIS!" Luis cries.  
  
"I WIN! I WIN!" BQMM rolls off on his toaster wheels, leaving little spurts of dust behind. grin  
  
The two guys in white coats grab Luis and take him off to the insane asylum.  
  
"NO! NO REALLY! IT WAS COOKIEZ! I PROMISE!" Luis cries as the truck drives away.  
  
BQMM turns back into his normal self and then spots a man walking down the road and turns himself into a cheesefurger. The man walks up and spots the cheesefurger and licks his lips.  
  
"All right!" The man exclaims. "A cheesefurger! Hey why does it have a red flowing cape and a sword that is taller than me?"  
  
"MWHAHAHAHA!!!!" BQMM leaps up and proceeds to slice the man in half.  
  
"AHHHHHHH!!!!!!" The man screams as the blade slices through his head and his bone marrow as though it were origami. Blood splattered over the street and the inwards of the man's body were exposed. He, still alive for some reason, twitches and screams in agony as he bleeds slowly to death.not really slowly but.we'll just say that this guy has a lot of blood. He dies five hours later.  
  
In "victory mode" BQMM snatches the dead man's heart and holds it up to his face. Then he rips the heart in half with his mouth, grinding the muscle in between his teeth and savoring the flavor with his tongue. Dark, rich colored blood spills from his mouth like a fountain as he swallows the heart and then plops the rest of it in his mouth. Then he smears the blood all over his face like war paint and beats on his chest as he roars into the sky.  
  
"I KNOW I CAN FLY!" He screams as he begins to flap his arms and dived on top of the man's body and began to consume the rest of his organs. (Yet another reason that this story is rated R)  
  
Then he turns and spots a dissipating shadow looming in the distance. Licking his bloodstained lips in satisfaction, he begins to hunt his new prey.  
  
~End Chapter One~ 


End file.
